Feeling like I'm a person trapped in my own body.

So the person I am and the  person I look like is totally different or maybe not. Well here's the thing I'm a overweight woman who is in this body but the person I feel like my personality and such should be is this active athletic health conscience person who is beautiful and this health weight like 130 the max. I feel as if the person I should be is this person who eats healthy and runs every morning and is healthy and lives where I could run without feeling like I'm gonna get hit and there's actually landscape to see. It's just crazy I don't know how to feel I just hope my hopes and dreams come true and I'm healthy and at a healthy weight and can actually be happy in my own skin. I love everyone!! 

Family growing by the year

We now have our big brother in our lives and I'm loving it.We got to meet him last night for the first time and it was awesome.

My baby is growing up

Wow my baby is growing before my eyes.I'm already planning her first birthday and its totally surreal.Before I became a parent I was kinda grossed out by some stuff like spit up and what not but now its like nothing to me lol.I'm like oh it will happen I'll just wipe it off and continue on with my day. Before your a parent you really never know the extent of umconditional love until you have a child and look into there eyes and know you would do anything for them. My family is My world without them this world wouldn't be complete or even be a real world because they ate my world everything I do everyday is for my family.I will always be there for my family no matter what!! I will love you forever and eternity Madison!!! Mommy Will Always Love You!!!!.

The core

To tell ya the truth this guy hurt me to the core but I think that's what he wants to do that's his mission in life to make kids and hurt them.I hate him. I dont know how you can make children and then just leave them he helped make 6 children that I have found so far and he's only stayed for one of them talk about a deadbeat dad. This guy was supposed to pay child support until we were 18 or out of school and he amancipated me like a loser when I was 16 years old.I feel like I'm finally starting to heal and he gets into my lifw again once in 8th grade my mom brought me to court he wouldnt even acknowledge me or hug me then before I got married and then when I had my baby. He wants to act like hes father of the year for all the milestones but he doesn't want to even talk or be in our lives for anything else such a jackass. In the bible it says not to hate anyone so I'm going to try not to have that hate in my heart or in my life but I know he's going to have to awnser to heavenly father and he'll show him all he did wrong.I'm so grateful to have heavenly father and his son in my life and I know they will always have my back.

Weightloss

I get so mad when I see all these skinny people and I wish I could be skinny like them.Its not that easy to loose weight that took all my life to put on. I wish I ate healthier when I was younger and I wish I knew the effects it could do.I guess I knew it "but damn am I paying for it now!".tryong to get the energy up to workout and taking care of the baby is hard but I know its worth it its just very hard. I have the bootcamps at the gym now but since the knot in my leg and not going for a couple days I fell off the saddle and its hard to get back on. was a falling out with my mom and she wont take me so I have no ride.